I grew up without a father and so when I became one myself I was, and still am, determined to be a dedicated father to my children and to spend as much time as I can with them. I remember a few years ago, however, when things started to slip. I was busy at work with more than my fair share of problems and I felt bad that I wasn’t spending as much time with my children as I would have liked. I remember it was January time, and as a new year’s resolution I decided that I would spend at least an hour a day, every day, with my children. Now I am the stubborn, strong-willed type and so when I set the target of a minimum hour a day, I was determined to stick with it, come what may. And stick with it I did, although, I am ashamed to say, it was often with reluctance and with me clock-watching and calculating how many of the sixty minutes were left because I had other things I needed to do. For a little while I fell into the trap of thinking that being in my children’s company or in the same room as them, was the same as spending time with them.

Then one night – I remember it as though it was yesterday – I sat in the bathroom, clock watching, while the children played happily in the bath together. I was in a quiet, sullen mood and I was giving my hour reluctantly, and fighting my conscience by telling myself that I had spent most of the previous day with my children and I could always make up for it tomorrow or the day after that. After a little while my, then, five year old daughter, Kimberley, looked up at me with her big blue eyes that were sad, and then her words pierced my heart when she said in a mimicking voice, “Daddy, if you can’t spend quality time with us it would be better if you didn’t spend any time at all.”

I learnt two very important lessons that day. (1) That children, even as young as five, really do pick up the values of their parents. – Wherever had a five year old picked up the concept of quality time, if not from myself? (2) Being in the same place as our children is not the same as actually spending time with them.

R. Ian Seymour

R. Ian Seymour, excerpt from Discover Your True Potential